5 Myths About Supporting the Foster Care Community
When you’re trying to find your place along the River, you may feel a bit overwhelmed at first.
Foster care is a complex system here in Houston (and in other communities as well, of course) with a wide variety of significant needs, so it can be tricky to navigate if you’re new to it. To add to the confusion, there are many misconceptions about what getting involved in this work truly looks like.
If you allow yourself to believe misleading myths about what it means to support those who are in the foster care community, you may end up feeling intimidated and unsure of where to start.
That’s why the first step on the path to becoming a support pillar for those in need is reflecting on the beliefs you currently hold about the foster care community and challenging those that may be myths so that you can move forward from a place of true understanding.
Here are 5 myths about foster care that should be let go as you begin your journey:
Myth #1: You have to be (or know) a foster parent to support the foster care community.
Everyone is unique, and every person has a unique place along the River. Becoming a foster parent is an incredible way to make a difference, but it’s not the only meaningful way to take action.
If you’re familiar with our River analogy, you know how much we advocate for both upstream and downstream efforts.
You can help provide restorative assistance downstream by working with young adults who have already been impacted by the foster care system. For example, teens who are aging out of the foster care system need support systems to help them successfully navigate life’s challenges.
We also need people to head upstream so they can take preventative action. These efforts seek to help families in crisis gain stability before intervention is ever needed.
Here are just a few ways you can support this community without being a foster parent:
Helping schools meet the educational needs of children and youth in care
Assisting in the facilitation of wrap-around care
Working with or supporting foster care agencies
Receiving education on how to support those in need
Donating resources, time as a volunteer, or funds
Rallying your church to provide resources and care
Becoming a foster parent is certainly a key role, but by no means is it the only role you can take on to make a real difference. (By the way, we’re always here to help if you aren’t sure where to start. Just reach out.)
Myth #2: Children in foster care who exhibit negative behaviors are choosing to misbehave.
When the brain is affected by trauma, it can cause complex behaviors, responses, and approaches to life. This is not a choice; this is a response to deeply traumatic past experiences.
It’s crucial to hold grace for children and youth in care who exhibit challenging behavior patterns. Remind yourself that these are behaviors they used to survive in their previous environments and it will take patient guidance from safe adults in their lives to teach them new ways of behaving.
This is a part of the healing journey on which you are walking with that child. When a child’s past trauma manifests in the form of confusing and challenging behaviors, the best thing we can do is help establish a sense of felt safety and connection. It is only from a place of felt safety and connection that we can begin to help children and youth develop new skills which will reduce more negative behaviors.
If you’re interested in receiving comprehensive training about providing care to children and youth experiencing complex trauma or if you’re wondering how these ideas can apply to your own life/experiences, we have regular training available that will help you learn and practice Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®).
This framework is designed to meet the complex physical, attachment, and emotional needs of children who have experienced adversity, early harm, toxic stress, and/or trauma.
LEARN MORE: Trauma Training
Myth #3: Biological families aren't trying and don't care.
This is a deeply harmful myth that is unfortunately highly common when it comes to the foster care community. Misconceptions like this perpetuate the damaging idea that most biological families connected to foster care are intentionally trying to harm their child or are unbothered by what their children may have experienced.
This is not at all the reality in most situations.
The truth is, foster care is not an isolated problem. The various systemic issues affecting children and families, such as poverty, homelessness, addiction, incarceration, and human trafficking, are all interconnected. Even more, challenges that families are facing often go back generations, making it even more of an uphill climb for a biological parent to get the support they need.
Each of these factors can play a role in determining why families end up navigating the foster care system. In the middle of all of the unique circumstances they are facing, biological families still have a deep, sincere love for their children and a desire to give them the best life possible.
This is why it’s crucial for people to come alongside the River to support parents as we work together to determine the best path for a child in crisis and bring restoration to families whenever possible.
Myth #4: It's the system's responsibility to get kids and families out of the River.
The foster care system absolutely plays a central role in the effort to help vulnerable families heal.
But it’s important to recognize that Houston’s overwhelmed foster care system is not someone else’s challenge to face. This is our challenge as a community, and it is a challenge we must address together.
There are many aspects of the system that are broken, it’s true. But you and I are broken, too. We each are a part of the system and it’s our responsibility to care for our city’s most vulnerable together. Just like we often like to say: Things that matter are hard, but we don’t have to do it alone.
Helping our neighbors gain stability and get back on their feet during times of struggle is one of the most fulfilling endeavors one can undertake. When we see someone struggling to stay afloat, it is our responsibility to reach out a helping hand and be there for them.
Myth #5: You have to be well-resourced.
Every little bit counts. If everyone waited until they had “enough” resources to pitch in, it would take a very long time for anyone in the foster care community to receive the help they need.
If you don’t have many resources at your disposal—that’s okay. If you’re reading this, that means you already possess the most important resource needed to make a difference: the willingness to learn and help.
The Riverside Project is here to connect the right people with the right resources. Our mission is to help individuals and organizations find their place along the River so they can feel empowered to make a positive impact on those in need.
There is a wealth of accessible resources available throughout our community to help people receive education, get their practical needs met, or identify ways that they can help others.
Someone told me once that 90% of caring for the foster care community is just showing up. And showing up doesn’t require resources; it just requires us. In many roles along the River, you don’t need anything specific to get started other than the desire to support others.
Where is your place along the river? Whether it’s pursuing education through our resources, finding a place to serve, or giving to make this work possible, it’s when we work together that we can make the biggest impact here in Houston.
